I've been feeling so cagey and withdrawn and anxious of late, so I'm trying to get myself outside more often. I often find that when I'm at my most anxious, I'll try and hide myself away like a little hermit, and then that breeds a whole new load of anxiety. Vicious cycle, I know. Even though I'm six months post-surgery, and doing a lot better psychically, I'm still struggling with the mental side of it all. It turns out undergoing a major operation that then doesn't go quite to plan isn't the easiest of things to get over! I wasn't going to discuss all of this on here, but it's so ridiculously important to talk about mental health, and I know a lot of you may be able to relate to my experience in some way, shape or form.
At the moment, my anxiety is easily triggered and I probably think about the things that bother me a few times a day at least. It probably doesn't help that I'm still struggling to sleep and even when I do I'm frequently having nightmares, but hey! I'm going to really work on how I'm feeling on the inside over the next few months because it's hugely important. I'm just hoping I can get it all under control soon, as I imagine it'd feel quite nice to have a day without thinking about my own mortality. It's not all doom and gloom, of course, and I really don't want sympathetic comments. I've dealt with depression and anxiety for years, throughout writing this blog, I just haven't really spoken about it in great detail online before. I'm still an advocate for positive thinking, but I think sometimes that positivity can come from accepting that times are hard but they will get better regardless of how impossible that may seem. If you're struggling, just remeber that I'm here for you, I understand and happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Sorry, couldn't resist a cheeky reference!
- Converse*, bank
Everyone is different, of course, but I often find little walks like this really helpful when I'm feeling a bit anxious or down.
If you'd like to scroll through all of my adventures then you can do so.