Wednesday, 5 September 2012

How To Live With Your Partner

how to live with your partner list advice

I live with my boyfriend in a teeny tiny 'studio' flat. Ever since we moved in together, friends asked how I have found it and how we managed to live with one another's bad habits. As we approach our second university year living together, I thought I'd give you a few tips as to how to co-exist successfully and safely i.e without killing one another! 

This is in no way me trying to dictate to you how you must live your life; these are simply things that I have learnt along the way and thought I would share with others in case it interests/amuses them. Naturally, Luke and I's findings may be completely different to yours. If you've got something to add or share, why not do so in the comments section below! Here are my tips regarding how to live with your partner:


1. aPPRECIATE YOUR INDEPENDENCE 
It can be so tempting (and remarkably easy) to live as one entity once you move in with someone: you eat together and sleep together so why not spend every waking moment together?! Don't - you will want to kill each other! Go out with your separate friends and have a days/nights out away from each other. It'll only make you appreciate each other more and will give you things to discuss. I often take myself off for little jaunts along the hoe and off for shopping trips with friends and Luke often wanders over to his friends' place. You both need to have your own space in order to stop yourself feeling a little suffocated and it's healthier for you to have your own independence too!



2. appreciate one another's hobbies 
I blog, write and read a lot; he reads Game of Thrones, follows technology and loves gaming. We both make time to talk to one another about the things we love and I adore that tolerance and appreciation we share for one another's interests. I'm pretty savvy when it comes to the latest movie releases and advances in gaming and he's pretty savvy when it comes to the goings on over here at Little V. It's a pretty perfect balance, even if I do say so myself. Take time to let each other ramble on - you'll feel pretty good about it and you'll forever ace Mr and Mrs style quizzes. It's also a pretty good thing to do to gain inspiration for future birthdays/surprise gifts.

3. don't be afraid to argue
It's not always shits and giggles; in fact, moving in with someone you love can be extremely difficult at times. What's important is to ensure that the arguments are short lived and that you can forgive. Feel free to shout at each other, call each other silly names and rip your hair out because if you keep it all in, you will have a really bad outburst one day that you really don't mean but really can't help. Like any couple, Luke and I have petty squabbles but we try to resolve the situation before we leave the topic altogether - that way you won't have to deal with the cold shoulder for a whole evening!


4. don't wait to be asked 
When you live together, you begin to appreciate the small things that someone else will do for you without prior discussion. I can be so guilty of this one - I find myself getting so wrapped up in my work and writing that I sometimes forget to tend to those dishes on the sideboard or sort through the washing. It all sounds so petty because they're such small things to get wound up about but when you live together, it really is the little things that you will appreciate being sorted the most. I'm making it my goal this autumn to be a little more attentive when it comes to housework and life outside my head, in general. 


5. make sure your space represents the both of you 
One thing I particularly like about mine and Luke's relationship is that we both have extremely different passions and likes. This comes across particularly well in the way we decorate our little space. I think it's pretty cool that Luke and I balance his love for superhero goodies with my extensive amount of books. How does it benefit living together harmoniously, you may ask? I think it helps to have your own things around you when you're feeling a little bit stressed and/or wish to chill out and, therefore, has a lasting effect on each other's mood. 

6. accept their bad habits 
I'm pretty sure if you asked Luke what my bad habits were he'd be able to give you a list that was longer than the dictionary and I'm pretty sure I could rattle of things that really grind my gears about Luke (read: leaving his pants outside the bathroom door whilst he showers). In order to co-exist, you need to acknowledge these bad habits, be silently annoyed at them and then learn to accept them. No one is perfect all the bloody time and, quite frankly, if you don't get over it you will end up ripping your hair out on a daily basis! 

7. don't stagnate 
When you live together, your whole world can sometimes be confined to those four walls and you'll find yourself settling in to some pretty bad relationship habits. To avoid becoming reclusive, make sure you go out try new things and still continue to have adventures. The easiest way to do this, if you're both particularly busy, is to nominate a weekly/monthly date night. Go out for a meal or take a boat trip somewhere, or just have a walk, the possibilities are endless and you'll both appreciate getting out and about with one another.  


8. have fun! 
You're about to have a completely new and fun experience so don't worry unnecessarily and enjoy yourself! Luke and I have some of the best times together in our flat, acting silly and dancing to music in our pants. Yes, dancing to music in our pants. We have a billion inside jokes and regularly lie down and people watch from our big window and, to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

If you'd like to scroll through all of my advice posts then you can do so.



 TWITTER INSTAGRAM | TUMBLR
VIVATRAMP@GMAIL.COM
Share:

24 comments

  1. Ah this is such a good post! Your boyfriend and mine share the same name which is pretty funny. I practically lived with my other half this summer and so much of what you said is true. It's so important to still do stuff on your own and have different friends. We also try to have a 'date night' once a month where we get dressed up nicely and go out for a real date. It's important to keep that spark there and not just see each other in pajamas constantly!
    xxx
    Nina from little nomad

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think number one is definitely the most important (bar obviously eight haha). I've been with my boyfriend for three years next month, and been living with him for just over two, and as much as we've actually never had an argument weirdly, I think we would get seriously bored of each other if we only did stuff together all the time. What keeps things nice is that we've always got things to talk about besides work and uni where we both pursue our own interests and go out with our respective friends/families etc. Obviously we do stuff together too, but it's nice that I know that if I wanna go out with my friends or something, I don't need his permission or anything like that, and he's not gonna be offended if I tell him he's not invited; and vice versa.

    Great post (:
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've never lived with T, although that may be about to change, but even just staying at each others- DEAR GOD MAN PICK UP YOUR SCREWED UP TISSUES... AHEM. Completely agree, don't fester- say what you have to say, move on, the other thing we try to do- have a problem- find a solution. We fought about a double duvet, so bought a king size one, got majorly irritated about my cleansers/moisturisers/girl gunges taking over the bathroom- found one rack to keep them all in next to the sink. Rather than just whinge about the things that drive us crazy, we try to find solutions to them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This post could not have been timed better! Not in the way that "Gah, I'm struggling, get me out of here!" but to see what others say on the matter :)
    I have only been living with Ben less than a week and at the moment we hardly leave each others sides. I do agree with everything you say and I know many things will change when we start uni and hopefully get a job. Right now though it's all just very exciting and I am very much looking forward to what the future holds x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm far away from this but your writing is so amazing that I just have to read all of your posts. Also you two look adorable in that photo. I hope this will help me....one day :)x

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have never lived with anyone and the idea terrifies me! These tips are great, I'll definitely be keeping them in mind for if/when it ever happens. x

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is a brilliant post! I love the bit about appreciating each other's hobbies, my boyfriend is a gamer and has actually got me into playing a lot more than I used to. He also reads my blog, and is interested in fashion so is happy to come shopping with me and lets me show him all my favourite things in mags! We don't live together, but I definitely think some of these tips are applicable to couples that live seperately too! x

    ReplyDelete
  8. My top tip is to be appreciative for the other person's efforts. Say thank you if they cook a meal for you, or do the washing up, or the laundry. It seems simple, and not something that deserves gratitude since it helps you both out, but I think it fosters a space where you both feel appreciated and *want* to do chores (as far as you ever can!) rather than feeling resentful towards the other person. It doesn't have to be gushing, just a simple 'thanks for loading the dishwasher' is enough! Also, get a dishwasher - your life will be significantly improved! Great post - I think number one is definitely the most important - time apart is good for everyone involved! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bee, you are such a wise woman! I've been living with my young man for 3 years now, in my fourth at the moment, and I would swear by every thing you say! These are pretty much our key things too!
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great advice. Not that I have a girlfriend to live with. But it is good to see how you manage to find balance and make living together as enjoyable as possible. I do wonder when couples I know break up whilst living with one another. I never hear the details, of course, but it is the housemates who always and unfairly get the brunt end of the chaos. I hope it works out smoothly for yourself and Luke throughout your time at university.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I sooo needed to read this!! Living with your other half is a true test of the relationship, it is not easy!!
    Loving all the advice and I am def in the same boat as you with the decorating florals are a complete no go zone!!! xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love this post, Bee. Certainly highlights some things that I've been guilty of in the past! I'm trying hard to make sure I don't get into the rut of only seeing the boyfriend and neglecting other areas of my life - we don't live together but at university last year he lived in the flat next door to mine, and we ended up basically living in my room. Sometimes it's definitely good to get out and do your own thing. You and Luke are such a lovely couple, warms my little heart :)
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. This post is lovely and has some really heart felt and sincere advice in. Something I will keep in mind for the future, appreciate the little things! I bet they can be easy to miss x

    ReplyDelete
  14. absolutrly love this post bee! people think that moving in together is always the best, but sometimes it's not the easiest. me and my boyfriend have been living together for over a year and a half now, and we still want to strange each other at times.
    we pass like ships in the night, so we always try to make time for each other, but some days that's over the washing up. chore. and we all do hate that!!
    But completely agree with everything you've said here, and now i'm really going to take this advise further (Especially the bad habits one!!) xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love this post! One thing I've always been told is to try not to take your partner for granted. Just because they're there all the time is no reason for either of you to stop making an effort with the relationship!

    ReplyDelete
  16. So amazingly true Bee, agree with everything you've said xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. I loved this little post, my boyfriend and I have lived together throughout university and are about to go into our third year. I completely agree with everything you've said! After we finish university we aren't going to be able to continue living together as we won't have the money so your final point is definitely true, it really is something to be enjoyed and I will certainly miss it when the time comes to move back home xx

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have lived with my bf (now fiance) for about 4 years now. I think that all your points are on the money! We squabble over silly insagnificant things (like if he would only pick up his bloody socks!) but everyday when we get home from work or other committments we are so happy to see each other and get to spend quality time together!

    xo Emilie @ Hungry Delights

    ReplyDelete
  19. Love this post and I absolutely agree with every single point! I've been living with Dan now since Christmas and we're doing alright - And I do need to learn to accept his amazingly annoying but LITTLE habits, such as squeezing the toothpaste from the very bottom of the tube rather than the top, and moving his own stuff from his desk to MINE to create space, as well as leaving his dirty clothes ALL over our sofa! Its a shared flat as well and his mate lives with us too downstairs, as well as some student who is never, ever here (4 months and counting now since we last saw him) - I have to deal with their habits too, being an only girl is hard. Oh, Dan shaves his beard over the shower too and it blocks the drain, argh!

    Anyway, its nice isn't it? :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  20. So true! I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years now in the tiniest of flats... it can be hard at times when you're in such a small space but we get through it. We've learnt to compromise and not let little things boil up into shitty arguments! x



    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm moving with my boyfriend at the end of the month, I'm really excited. Hopefully we'll not kill eachother and we'll both sleep in bed, not on the front door carpet.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You're spot on with so much of this. The doing the washing up thing and tidying up after myself I really must get better at. I know it drives Ben insane and I really should respect that more. Bless him. I'm all for having an argument, we have one at least once a day :P But I can count on one hand the number of serious arguments we've had, and we've been together for 8 years!

    SarahB@FridayisForever's comment above made me laugh so much, Ben squeezes the toothpaste from the top not the bottom and it drives me MAD!! He also shaves over the sink and doesn't wipe up properly, but if I leave my bag on the kitchen top for more than 5 minutes I get a rollicking!! You've started something here :D

    It's all fun and games though :P

    Lovely post!

    Jen | sunny sweet pea xx

    ReplyDelete

© VIVATRAMP | All rights reserved.
Blog Layout Created by pipdig